To See My Sunshine Again
by Sane-Insanity-Addiction
Summary: The pillow still smells of you. I hold it close to my heart, wishing it was you.


**A/N:** Listen to the song its really good. Sorry I didn't have a beta for this one. And I didn't have time to do spell check. So sorry for the typos and such. Please Review! And thanks for checking it out!

**Disclaimer: **** I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING Related to Twilight or The song My Sunshine by Jeremiah.**

_"Yes?" I answer the door. Wondering who would be knocking at this time. I know Jake wouldn't knock._

_My dad?_

_"Hey Cha-Dad. What are you doing out so late?" I asked._

_The look on your face isn't warm and welcoming._

_"Bella, maybe we should go inside and sit down?"Charlie gestured toward the living._

_Charlie sits while I stand and offer coffe but he declines._

_"Bells, Ah.." Charlie tries._

_"Yeah Dad?" I say._

_"Its Jacob, Bells." Chariled finally rasped out._

_I suck in a breath._

_"Jake? My Jake? What about Jake, Dad! Tell me!" It can't be good news. But I hope it is._

_I hope._

_"There was another car Bells, and the rain, and I'm sorry Bella, I-we there was nothing we could do." Charlie barely gets out before the world around me blacks out and I crumble._

**Lookin` out my window**

**i cant help think of you**

**oh**

**since you`ve been gone away**

**i`ve been left feeling blue **

The pillow still smells of you. I hold it close to my heart, wishing it was you.

Your clothes still hang in our closet. If I take them down it'll be too real.

A picture of you sits on the nightstand. With the smile that is always meant for me playing on your face.

I inhale, breathing you in with me, its all I have anymore. Waiting for you to walk thru that door, with my smile on saying,

_"Come Bells, get your lazy butt out of bed. Its finally sunny and warm outside. We're going down to first beach." _

But you're not going too. And you stole the sun away when you left.

I keep telling myself you only left. You'll be back. I promise myself.

As more tears spill from my eyes.

**No one can take**

**this pain away**

**my hours seem to turn to days**

**as if i`m outta time**

**there`s no more to lose**

**no more to gain**

**it`s seems the clouds can`t take the rain**

**cause it keeps pouring down **

"Come Bella, You have to get up you can not keep living like this." Alice said.

She tried tugging me out of the comfort of our bed. My bed.

Is it my bed alone now.

"Whats todays date Alice?" I asked barely above a whisper.

"Its the July 7th Bella, You have a calander if you just get out of bed you could clearly see that!!" Alice replied, her tone slightly flustered.

The 7th of July. Has it really been that long? It just seemed like yesterday....

_"Bella, Baby I have to go. I'll be back in a few hours but Sam needs help putting up coverings over the windows of his house. And Its not that bad out, you don't have to worry." Jake said, as he put on his raincoat._

_I sighed, "Only a few hours right? and you'll come home straight to me? And you won't drive fast. And if the rain gets harder you'll pull over wont you?" I was worried. I couldn't hide it._

_"Yeah, then it'll be just you and me. I love you Bells, I'll be back soon. I promise." Jake kissed me lightly._

_"Love you too, Jake."_

_With that he walked out the door._

I'd give anything to go back and tell him not to go.

Anything.

**But to see my sunshine againnnn(to see my sunshine again)**

**to see my sunshine again(to see my sunshine again)**

**to see my sunshine again(to see my sunshine again)**

**to see my sunshine again(to see my sunshine again)**

**ohhh **

**Lookin` out my window**

**i can`t help reminisce**

**the times we shared**

**oh oh oh**

**Just memoriessss of u and me(of u and me)**

**i look up and the sky is cold**

**how could someone just take your soul so fast and now you`re gone **

I see you every where I go. I can not escape you no matter how hard I try, not that I would want too.

I'm waiting for the clouds to break to feel warmth, imaging it is you, holding onto me.

As I look at my window I can see all the memories float by replaying just for me.

_"Come Bells! You can jump I'll promise I'll catch you." Jacob said with a laugh._

_"The laugh didn't help me Jake! Can't I just sneak out the door? Charlie is snoring logs in there he won't hear." I said in a rushed whisper._

_I was kind of scared. Okay kind of is putting it lightly, I was down right truly terrified. I had faith in Jake, but luck isn't really on my side._

_"You know I'll always catch and protect you, right Bells? Your my girl, I'd never let you get hurt." He said with my smile. _

_"I know Jake. I-Just don't let drop me." _

A flash of lighting played across the sky. Reminding me that I lost myself in a memory again. I don't know if I can take the pain.

How long has it been since I've been outside?

The rain seems to pour for days and days. The tears seem just as endless rolling down my closed eyes.

Knowing when I open them you wont be there.

I'd give anything to see you again.

**See i quit my job**

**i cant stop smokin`**

**please believe my heart is broken down**

**i`m all alone**

**But to see my sunshine againnnn(to see my sunshine again)**

**to see my sunshine again(to see my sunshine again)**

**to see my sunshine again(to see my sunshine again)**

**to see my sunshine again(to see my sunshine again) **

"You know what! I don't care. I don't care that you've left me when you promised me. You promised me." I screamed as his picture. Throwing it against the wall.

I watched it shatter, just like the pieces of my heart.

The phone is ringing in the background. Just this once I pick it up to answer.

"Hello?" No one has called me knowing it will do no good.

"Yes, Bella? This is Cathy down at the bookstore, I was wondering when you was plan on returning to work? I know its been horrible for you and I'm sorr-"

I cut her off.

"NO! You don't care if you cared you wouldn't of called asking me to return to work! You know what I quit." I throwed the phone against the wall.

Watching it fall down near the broken picture.

I did that? I broke my Jacob? I scrambled over stepping on glass not caring as it pierced my skin. Picking up the picture, looking at it closely.

I choked by a sob.

"Remember when this, Jake? Remember when you asked me to be Mrs. Jacob Black? You was so scared Jake. Remember what I thought?" I asked softly into the empty room.

_"Jake? Are you okay you are shaking? Do you want to go home?" I was worried, you haven't been your self for a weeks._

_"No, I mean yes. I'm fine, lets just eat okay?" You tried to smile. To comfort me but it made me even worry more._

_I swallow back a whimper. I have to know._

_"Are you breaking up with me Jake? Do you not love me anymore? Do you not want me anymore Jake?" I felt a few tears slip from my eyes._

_Traitors._

_"NO! God Bells, Thats not it at all, you've got it all wrong!" You basically screamed at me._

_"Then what it is Jake!? Are you cheating on me then?" I let the tears fall freely know. No use in hiding it._

_"What? No No! NEVER Bells, I can't do anything right, tried to do this and ask you to marry me and shit." _

_He, wait..._

_What?_

_"You want to marry me, Jake?" I'm honestly surprised. I think the shock showed on my face._

_"Yeah. So what you say Bells? Can you put up with me for the rest of forever?" The smile isn't forced now but I can see fear slightly behind your eyes._

_"Forever? Yes, I think forever is just long enough." I laughed a little happy tears falling now._

**i`m tired of the dark**

**in need of the light**

**i wake up each morning**

**waiting for you to arrive**

**i`m scared of outside because**

**it might wash me away**

**wish i could open this curtain**

**and know i`ll see you again**

**(i`ll see you again)[Again]**

**if i could hold you again...**

**if i could feel you again...**

**if i could touch you again.. **

Another day, as I stare up the ceiling.

I wonder if it stills dark outside? Or did I wake up during the morning hours.

The curtain stays closed now, if I go outside, I'll try to live again.

Live without you. I don't think I could do that.

I don't want to forget.

I want to see you again, I'm tired of looking at a photo.

_"Don't you get tired of looking at me all the time Bells?" You asked one day._

_"Nope, I want to always remember you Jake." I admitted softly._

_"I'm not going anywhere so don't worry!" Jake said._

I want to hold you again, I feel so cold without you.

_"Jake, I'm cold go turn on the heater." I mumbled half asleep one morning._

_"No need, I'm your personal space heater." Then you pulled me against your chest._

_I was warm._

I want to feel you again, I miss the loving touches.

_Asleep beside me, with your arm drapped across me. I trace your hand with the tips of my fingers. I can feel your leg covering mine. _

_It makes me sigh in contentment._

_I feel you all around me._

**to see my sunshine again**

**just to see my sunshine again**

**to see my sunshine again**

**just to see my sunshine again**

**to see my sunshine again**

**just to see my sunshine again**

**to see my sunshine again**

**whoaa whoaa whoaa....**

My world has hardly any meaning now. Days turn to weeks and weeks turn to months. I've locked myself away with my memories. Pushing family and friends away, not thinking that maybe they are grieving too.

The clouds are all I know, without you hear to push them away.

_The corner of my mouth turned up in a wistful half smile." I think of you that way, you know. Like sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."_


End file.
